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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sdalvi's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
1:49 pm
If you knew this will end...
Nobody really knows what the future holds. But say, if you were told what would happen as a sneak peek from the future, would that change your actions today?

Would you do anything different if you knew that the good thing or state you have going for you today would soon end? If you knew that a friend would betray you in the future, would rather stop the friendship now, or would you rather stay put and make sure you are not the bad friend in the equation? Would that make you a wiser person who learned when he stumbled and fell, even though he was warned, or would that be to naive to not act although you knew you would be hurt in the end.

Do we really carry the courage to face terrible things in the future and act counter-intuitively against protecting ourselves?

Current Mood: scared
Saturday, February 10th, 2007
2:18 pm
To Live alone ...OR...with roommates???
When I first arrived in Seattle, with my first job after one and half year of roommates life, I had it very clear in my head "NO ROOMMATES". It wasn't anything against the roommates I had in the past or anything they did. But the idea of having my first home, all to myself, where I was independent and financially responsible for it was way to overpowering. I never once had a second thought about it.

I could let my family \ friends visit me according to my schedule, without having to worry about disturbing my roommates. I could decorate my first home the way I liked it and most of all do not bother about how anyone else likes it to be set. I could invite friends over \ just sit and read a book. Ah! Now I think where the cons start.

Living alone is a great thing if you have something that you like to do alone - play video games, read books, cook, clean the house, gardening ...something, atleast one thing. It keeps your brain occupied and the loneliness never crops up. If there is nothing that engages you without company, you are most likely going to go back to work, and overdo it. Life alone also is a little more expensive. To start with, you aren't sharing the rent or utilities, so about $400 more there. Plus if you hate cooking, you might starve yourself or if you are not careful, you might end up eating out everyday (not too good for your health).

But if you are aware and conscious about the minuses, you will be fine. You might even devote more time to your health, join a gym and spend more time there. The $400 are worth it if you want your family \ friends to visit you anytime and you always want to welcome them. I think infact that if I didn't have that option, I would be visiting them all the time and spend equal or more amount in traveling.

In the end, it just comes down to whats more important to you, and what you can manage better.

Current Mood: peaceful
Sunday, December 24th, 2006
8:52 pm
Marriage is ...
I had another of those wierd thought-provoking discussions with a friend at work - a discussion on the meaning of marriage. It seems more and more common for couples to start living in together. And if you are finding nothing missing in your relationship, why then would you suddenly decide to get married one day?

There could be various factors: for one, some couples decide to wait, or so to say come up with a milestone list that they mark for themselves to do after they get married. So in some sense that what they put into their marriage that they get back in return. But ofcourse any relationship requires more to be put into it then just a list of to-dos that you get done with.

For most, especially the girls involved in the couples, marriage forms the symbolic of a more permanent tie. They take it to mean that their beloved is finally not scared of admitting that they are together to anyone - everyone. Thats what they put into a marriage at a sub-conscious level.

Makes me think sometime where marriage started meaning more than a pure decision made by two individuals to spend their lives together? Where did it start meaning paying more in taxes and getting punished? When did it start meaning loosing financial independance?

The more and more the government starting pouring in other side-effects into a marriage, the more and more young couples started just living in. And that brings us to under new blog topic in itself. In the sick leaves explanation given in most companies - it includes married couples and same sex domestic partner but not different sex couples living together. Heterosexual couples have the option of getting married but other than that no rights.

Is marriage becoming more and more complex decision that it ought to be?
Friday, October 20th, 2006
3:41 pm
Stangest thing
There is an old saying - where women are concerned the unexpected always happens. Happened to me today. An old classmate joined my company shortly after I did. Lets just say that we were never known to be the best of friends back in school, and since I can't speak for her and I can't deny the feelings on my part, so, I never thought it would be a good idea to ever try. Even now, after all these years and distances. So, we both continued to carry on and never explain to anyone or ourselves why we were not meeting.

For reasons unknown to me, I sent out a lunch invitation early this week to meet up with another acquaintance and this old classmate of mine. It turned out that the other friend was out of town. Ooops!! All the same we decided to go ahead with the lunch anyway. It was wierd - I thought of it more like the manual testing you can't escape and just want to get done with.

So, we got lunch, found a table and started talking - catching up on other classmates. Slowly, somewhere in the conversation, we started talking about ourselves - and it wasn't so bad. Infact it felt nice. It was so strange that we were so comfortable with each other. I don't know whether it was us, the changes we have gone through, the time, place or just the wonderful age we are at - everything is so much more clear, understandable and more comfortable and managable.
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
6:15 pm
Words
Words can be very beautiful, and they can make your heart ache. Why then is it so difficult to use words again to describe how beautiful you think words are?

Current Mood: blank
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
5:38 pm
Tum
Gali ke mod par mile the tum,
Na tum dekh sake, na hum pukar sake
Tum chalte gaye, chalte gaye,
Hum dekhte rahe, dekhte rahe

Shaam bhi thi dhua dhua,
Dil bhi tha udas udas,
Lagta tha, dil ko churane,
chor banke aaye the aaj.

Par, pal do pal ka sapna mera
Pal do pal me toot gaya
Pal do pal ka saath tera
Pal do pal mein choot gaya

Jo aaj bichade hai to shayad kabhi khwabhoon mein mile,
jai bikhare phool daali ke, purani kitaboon mein mile

Angadyein par angadayein, leti hai shaam judai ki
Tum kya samzho, tum kya jano, baat mere tanhai ki

Pyar ke kache dhagoon mein, ab kaun piroye dil,
Aaya zhoka, tuta dhaaga, bikhar gayi meinfeil.
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
1:22 pm
tumko apni talash karni hai,
humko parr koi bhi rahe na rahe
tumko apne sahare jeena hai
doodhti koi aasara na raho

mujhse naraj ho to ho jau
khudse lekin khafa khafa na raho
mujhe dur jau to jau
aap apne se juda juda na raho

-Papa kehte hai.
Friday, May 5th, 2006
12:01 pm
My heart is crushed, my dreams are torn apart,
When all is lost, only memories will last
Yet I will go, on and on and on
Life in death upon me has now cast

Current Mood: lonely
Thursday, May 4th, 2006
6:58 pm
Song of my evil
When the birds cry
& the breadth dies
When the good sleeps
and then bad wins
When I can't do
but I have to
When I am evil,
but I still believe in
When the world stops
When the tear drops
When I break hearts
My internal war
starts open in a battlefield
Every weapon you can ever build
drives me through all the hell
till my heart drops on a coral
Still alive, I can still feel
my heart shouting and boiling
My head now tries to conquer
over my heart that is shattered
By my own hands, hands of evil
for my own fate handed to a devil
Yet someday, I can gain back
that sanity in my head back
Till then, I will go on
through this hell, in the hope of dawn
Lord bless me with the power
and faith in my own honor
Let me finish what I started
let me go through, not broken hearted
Thursday, April 6th, 2006
3:13 pm
She's always a woman to me - Billy Joel
The first time a woman keeps away her ago, doesn't deny and accepts it all gracefully. I guess this song is the difference between accepting your woman as she is verses trying to point out to her, how she is. Because at the end of the day, she is your woman. :)

Current Mood: loved
Friday, March 31st, 2006
5:23 pm
what we seek
In the darkness of our hearts and the depths of our thoughts - what is it that we seek? Is love powerful and well enough to survive and experience the life beyond our dreams. I guess not. There is no denying of the immense joy and "feels like heaven" emotion you feel in the presence of the person who loves you so very much. But that intense thought an emotion slowly fades, may be gets taken for granted and you need more at the end of each day.

It troubled me for a while - but know what, its not too much that we really need to be happy. We don't necessarily have to meet/ be with that one amazing person. For all that it counts for, that amazing person may not end up being what you seek. All we really want is someone with whom you are comfortable with. With whom you are bound strongly, but who doesn't bind you to do/ not do the things you are used to. Who lets you be free and fly in the sky and yet when you turn to look around is always there. Besides this, our basic need is just respect, care and not denying, a little bit of love.

So, I guess you don't really seek someone who loves you more than anyone possibly can, but someone who respects you for what you are and allows you to be so. And hopefully gives you company when you are just being yourself.

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
11:13 pm
Go Away...
Ever wished some people in your life never existed?- well, only in your life.

Current Mood: bitchy
Friday, January 6th, 2006
5:40 pm
Half as kind to our loved ones as we are to others...
May be all of us have experienced it sometime or the other - regardless of which role you were playing. Its a natural human tendency to give more importance to people who are not really family - not really close and not realize how our beloved ones would feel then. I guess the root cause is sometimes to put extra effort so that the person who is not-so-close doesn't feel left out and feels, well, cared for.

Sometimes, its the result of our absolutely shameful behaviour in similar situation with our loved ones, where we managed to hurt them. In other words, the not-so-close person is in the same position as our loved one was once in and now, we take it as a second chance to improve on our behaviour. Being an expert at failing at it miserably, we do a splendid job at it this time. End result, our loved one feels all the more shattered and hurt, while the not-so-loved has only praise.

At the end of it all, is it really helping us? Are becoming a better person at the cost of hurting the person close to us deeply and repeatatively? Should we be expecting our loved one understand us each time? And finally, is it worth it?

Current Mood: uncomfortable
Friday, December 9th, 2005
9:18 pm
Language passion...
As a student of computer science I am surrounded by geeks, who strongly are into Java programming and there are some who are strongly against it. In general, with regards to choice in every doamin in computer science, there is one group who adheres to their principle, so much as to be against the other. Whereas there is the other group, who have their own preferences but in doing so they are not really against the other group.

Say for instance, someone who likes to work in Visual Studio, is not opposing the idea, or against ever using open source tools. But the open source fans would think it not suiting them to use Visual studio at all. Another example, someone who likes to code in Java never really explictly says that he doesn't like coding in C. Most often then not, the Java-haters just assume that the Java developer would not like to code in C.

Thought at the end of this observation - is it that the Java developer doesn't know what he wants - or is it just that he is open to choices, and it is better kept that way.

Current Mood: curious
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
8:04 pm
Getting what you came for
It amazing at times how, what you think about yourself reflects on what others things about you and what you preceive of the rest of the world. This year in my career, I received two really hard kicks and I spent a lot of time wondering if its better to let go off it as sour grapes and move on with other opportunities life has to offer or to stay on track, stand up again, no matter how long it takes and where the world goes in that much time and get back what I came for.

I am not very sure yet if I have the confidence to run as I used to. But some deep feeling inside tells me (although its contrary to all circumstances and the situation around me) that I will do better and I deserve to get back in place where I got kicked out of. I am not sure how long it would take. But I need to do this for myself, just to gain that confidence back in me. Hopefully, there are still angels in the world - and I am thankful for that hope and strength that stays back after big failures.

Current Mood: hopeful
Monday, November 14th, 2005
6:20 pm
As pure humans, we were not...
As pure humans, we were not selfish or inclined to hate any of us. What happened then? What made us think that everyone around us id selfish and forced us to become selfish ourselves?

My friend wisely pointed out that the first lesson of economics makes us selfish. The day we learn about money, finance and savings, we got our first lesson in becoming selfish.

Then, are we still, the humans we used to be somewhere deep inside?

Current Mood: saturated
Monday, October 31st, 2005
12:45 pm
Make fun of what you are afraid of?
Why do I find so many similarities between other movies I see, things I read and experience with Harry Potter.

The whole lesson on getting over you fear most by making fun of it - Halloween?

or for that matter...the "hope is a good things, may be the best of things and no good thing ever dies" from Shawshank redemption verses how did Black survive the Azkaban?

Did you find anything like these similarities? (Ofcourse, I am huge Rowling fan:))
Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
5:26 pm
Science & religion
Science without religion is crippled and religion without science, blind!

Current Mood: thoughtful
Monday, October 24th, 2005
1:07 pm
Take a decision that you hate
Have you taken up a decision and then totally totally regretted it?
Friday, October 21st, 2005
11:43 am
Why are we as human beings so insecure and jealous? Why can't we believe in ourselves more and be happy with what we are, without considering or imagining what others feel/ do?

Current Mood: jealous
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